That word. JUDGE. I feel like women are being judged now more than ever. No matter who you are, it is ingrained in your brain to judge someone at first sight. We don’t even mean to do it! It’s like subconscious creation. The moment we lay eyes on another person and BAM! We sum them up without knowing who they really are. So, how do we stop it? I honestly don’t think we can stop it completely, but here’s an idea to make us better all the way around. Let’s try to be more aware and make observations instead of judgements. 

What’s the difference between an observation and a judgement? Well, for starters, judgements are subjective whereas observations are objective. With judgments, we usually don’t have facts to back up our opinion of someone. However, if we take the time to observe the person, we can decide if he or she should be invited into our inner circles. After all, it is not safe to let just anyone in. 

Women tend to judge one another quite harshly, and this spawns from outright jealousy. I so wish this wasn’t the case, but it just is. Granted, some women are more guilty than others with their unmerited judgments, but all of us have done it. Society has made women feel so insecure and that’s where those negative behaviors come from. I used to be the world’s worst for doing this, but once I became self-aware and realized what I was doing, I started working to raise the levels of emotional intelligence. 

This is what I have learned since I became more aware of my actions. I have learned to make these observations before I make any quick judgements. 

Take the time to observe a person and do not under any circumstances base an opinion on outer appearances. 

• Pay attention to how this person makes you feel when you’re in their presence. 
• Does this person respect boundaries? 
• How does this person speak about others? 
• What does your intuition say about this person? 
• Do you get a strange sinking feeling when you see this person? 
• Is your energy drained after talking to them? 
• Do you feel uplifted and happy after spending time with them? 
• Is the relationship strained or does it come naturally? 
• How do other people feel about this person? 
• What is this person interested in? 
• Do you trust this person around your spouse or significant other? 
• Take note of things you have in common. 

Because society has beaten women down for so, so long, it is understandable why we fall into the trap of being jealous of a woman that appears to have more than we do. Society’s definition of beauty gets us every time too, right? A beautiful woman walks in that appears to have it all and other women see her and think, “She better get her ass on up outta here!” It’s brutal the way we judge one another, so why not start making observations instead of judgements. 

If your observations turn out to be less than favorable, fair enough. You don’t have to associate with that person. But if at first sight you give someone a chance that you might normally be intimidated by or jealous of and you end up caring about this person you have grown tremendously! The key to doing this is to stop comparing yourself to others while making objective observations about a person’s character. 

The ball is still in your court without the judgements. You have the choice to associate with who you want to associate with, but a judgmental attitude might rob you of the best friendship you ever had. 

Keep this checklist in mind when you meet new people. 

Judgment                                                      Observation 

Subjective                                                         Objective 

Comparing                                                       Awareness 

Opinionated                                                    Factual 

Low Energy                                                     High Energy 

Positive or Negative                                  Neutral 

Closed-Minded                                             Open-Minded 

Women need to build each other up. I know that sounds cheesy and cliché, but it also sounds true. We go through challenges and struggles men don’t have a clue about. Not beating up on men. I think most men are wonderful! The point I am trying to make is that women are in all of this together. The next time you judge a woman for whatever reason, activate that empathy button. Think about how she has a monthly menstrual cycle, too. Consider the fact she may have had a rough upbringing, too. Maybe she can’t get pregnant and longs for a baby or maybe she lost a baby. If she looks great, instead of being jealous of her, think about how much hard work she puts into her appearance. 

Turn animosity into admiration whenever you can. Be an advocate for other women instead of an adversary. When that pesky ego sends a twinge of jealousy your way, pay that woman a compliment and see what happens.